Anna Kendrick is sharing her experience with enduring a terrible relationship.
The 37-year-old Alice, Darling actress revealed during an interview with Dax Shepard and Monica Padman for the podcast Armchair Expert that she had created embryos with an unnamed ex who was “for all intents and purposes, my husband.”
Speaking with Dax Shepard and Monica Padman on the podcast Armchair Expert, the Alice, Darling actress, 37, opened up about having made embryos with an unidentified ex, who was “for all intents and purposes, my husband.”
“I was with someone — this was somebody I lived with, for all intents and purposes my husband. We had embryos together, this was my person,'” she shared. “And then about six years in, about somewhere around there, I remember telling my brother, when things had first kind of gone down, ‘I’m living with a stranger. Like, I don’t know what’s happening.'”
Kendrick claimed that despite the continuous conduct, she persisted in trying to improve the relationship through couple’s counseling since she had noticed a personality difference and her partner had subsequently admitted to having emotions for someone else.
“It wasn’t just the, ‘Oh, I’m losing a relationship.’ It was that I believed that if we broke up or, you know, if he left basically, it was a confirmation that it’s because I’m impossible, I’m lucky that he’s even tolerating my b—–t.”
“There was an inherent thing of me being so rejectable that this person who loved me very deeply for six years, it suddenly occurred to him, how awful I was or something,” she continued. “The shame, that lingers much longer.”
In order to deal with the turbulent nature of the relationship and in the hopes that things might improve, Kendrick recalled how she “dismantled” her life.
“I did start going to Al-Anon while all this was going on. I mean, look, I truly dismantled my life, and at first, that was as a reaction to the accusation that I was crazy and I was the one causing the problem,” she explained. “So I had a conversation with CAA, my agency and said I need to take time off, I have a mental health problem.”
She continued, “I started seeing two therapists a week and I started trying to learn to meditate and I got into Al-Anon and all of these things ended up being very wonderful things for me in the long run, but initially went into them thinking, ‘Tell me how to stop being crazy. Tell me how to stop feeling anything.’ “
In September, Kendrick opened up to PEOPLE about how Alice’s story in her film Alice, Darling “resonated” with her for a specific reason.
“I was coming out of a personal experience with emotional abuse and psychological abuse,” she shared, recalling the time she first came across the screenplay. “I think my rep sent it to me, because he knew what I’d been dealing with and sent it along. Because he was like, ‘This sort of speaks to everything that you’ve been talking to me about.’ “
“It felt really distinct in that I had, frankly, seen a lot of movies about abusive or toxic relationships, and it didn’t really look like what was happening to me,” she added. “It kind of helped me normalize and minimize what was happening to me, because I thought, ‘Well, if I was in an abusive relationship, it would look like that.’ “
Describing her former relationship, Kendrick shares, “I was in a situation where I loved and trusted this person more than I trusted myself. So when that person is telling you that you have a distorted sense of reality and that you are impossible and that all the stuff that you think is going on is not going on, your life gets really confusing really quickly. And I was in a situation where, at the end, I had the unique experience of finding out that everything I thought was going on was in fact going on. So I had this kind of springboard for feeling and recovery that a lot of people don’t get.”